Dear You

Dear You.

I had a brutal crush on you but I said to myself I wouldn’t do anything about it. When I heard about you and another boy though, I thought it’s now or never. So I simply walked to where you were and since then there has only been you.

You make me laugh so much and you awakens every butterfly in me. You whisper sweet words in my ear and I want to hug you all the time and you tell me you want me to. I don’t think about what’s happening or will happen, I’m just enjoying every moment with you.

But in every relationship we have - with girls, boys, friends - sooner or later we argue. And suddenly it all feels so fragile.

What will happen now?
How much does she like me?
Will this end what’s between us?
Wow, there’s so many things I still don’t know about her.
Will she hurt me?
Will she say things that makes me cry?
If I stay now, will she take me in her arms if I get sad?
If I go now, will she call me tomorrow?
Gosh, WHY do I have to be so emotional?
Does she think I’m too sensitive?
Is this about what she said about things going so fast?
Wait - it was “so fast”, not “too fast”, right? Damn. I can’t remember.
What does she want me to say when she tells me that?
But if she meant it in a bad way, why woulds he also tell me she doesn’t want to be with anyone else?
I hope that part wont change now when we argue.
Is she as scared of all those feelings as I am?
I wish I was a mindreader.
What was we even arguing about?
Oh, I remember. Are we really having an argue about that?
Well, I guess this learns us that both are really stubborn.
I don’t want her over there. I want him to be closer.
Will she reject me if I ask for a kiss instead of talking about whatever we think different about?

I really want you. I really like you. But I don’t tell you that tonight. Instead I’m doing what I know is wrong - I’m walking away, I’m going home. Because even if we’re having an incredible time, I don’t really know you and your thoughts and if you think “us” is happening too fast instead of so fast, I don’t want to hear it tonight. Each day I want to have you one more day so me liking you as much as I do is really freaking me out.

And to all of you whose hearts are aching by liking someone and not doing anything about it - what are you still doing here? Go tell them, go take a shot, go fall in love!
Sometimes you have to give life a push and hope that it’s the right time and place and that both are ready for what may come. The worst thing that can happen isn’t even that bad - if he/she doesn’t feel the same at least you will feel awesome about telling them how special they are.
But if everything goes well, it can be amazing.

Remember though - your heart will ache anyway, because you’re so scared to screw it all up and the feeling you get by the thought of losing something great is almost as awful as not having it at all.

Lots of love to all of you!